On 6th April we attended a dance program by Dr. Sanjay Shantaram. It was presented at  the Prasanna Parvati Kalyana Mantapa, VV Mohalla Mysore. The program was organized by Sri Rama Seva Mandali charitable trust during the Ramanavami celebrations.

The dance troupe was very good.

Chora Chandrahasa

Chora Chandrahasa is a Kannada language play by Natana, Mysore.

Today, the first day of Dasara festival, Natana presented the play directed by the Natana founder, Mandya Ramesh.
The play was good. In between, I felt that it dragged a bit. But overall it was entertaing.

Finally we bought a house. I am ok with that 20 year old house as it is  but the others are not. It is true that the design is not perfect. But I feel it is good. The construction is very good.

We  tried to see if we can renovate it, but looks like that is not possible. We will need to make lot of compromises to get what we want. 

Anyways, after a lot of deliberations we decided to demolish the old house and build according to our design. Now the architects are working according to our suggestions and then the work will start.

we are not in a hurry as I am not planning to shift till next May, till A's exam is over.

Coming back here after a long time. I keep writing in my mind all the time and then there is no need to come and write here. today I returned here because got an email from google about updating blogs. Otherwise I wouldn't have bothered.

I am kind of taking things easy now. Decided not to feel guilty about not doing things and feeling relaxed. I think I should have done that earlier too.

In January, I went on a tour to Orissa. It was very enjoyable.  

If I own my house.

I love the house I live in. It is a rented house and we have been staying here for about 18 years. It is spacious enough for us. The only small room is the kitchen and it is old fashioned too. I wish the kitchen was bigger and modern. Other than that I have no problems with this house.

The other day, i was walking on the terrace and i thought, may be the owner would agree to sell this upper portion to us. then we could make the changes that we like. i am not sure the owner would do that. but no harm in dreaming, isn't' it?

Going on a holiday

I am going on a Kerala tour with my sister. She is arriving here in two days along with her son. He will stay here till we leave for the tour. Then he will go back to his job. May be he wants to make sure his mom is really going on a tour.

We are going for a week. Two years back we went to Rajasthan and it was a great time. I am looking forward to have good time now too. It will be good to be away from the routine life for some time.

We would be happy to spend time with each other. We have already seem most of the places we will be visiting. we visited them long back when our parents took us on a south India tour. I remember most of it. I have been planning to visit those places again but somehow it never happened so far.

After that I am planning to get busy with the new site I have started.
I feel very positively about this new site. The other two are doing
good and I can leave them to earn on their own.

Working from home again and enjoying.

I have again got used to working from home only. Of course I have been doing that for the last almost 20 years. But in between 3 years I went out for a part time job of teaching at the college. It was ok while it lasted. It was an experience that I wanted to have.  Now after that experience I feel it is better to work for yourself. I love being self employed. I am sure I will not go again to work for somebody else.

While I was working at the college, I used to work with my websites too. And also my home tuition. All this in addition to the usual housework and cooking etc. I also used to miss the freedom of working from home.Though I liked being busy all the time, I missed not getting any time to read. Now I read regularly. I have already completed a few books. 

We also get more time to go out after sasha goes to school. I like the lazy mornings. After sending sasha to school, I spend an hour or two at the computer. First checking how much I have earned and then reading mail or working at my websites.

Life is Good!

Gave up my teaching job.

Last year, When the college shifted place and I had to travel double the distance than before, I decided I would give it a year and see how it works. We were three going together from this area and shared an auto. While coming back, we were only two. It was ok.

Now, I have decided I am not going this year. I do not like the long commute. Earlier, while teaching from home, I have got used to not spending any time and money for getting to work. Students came to me. So I think I will just continue that.

I also have my websites to work at and that I enjoy. I plan to work more on them.

I know I will also miss going out three days a week. Working from home means I don't need to dress up to go out which has it's advantages and disadvantages.

Meditation - Introductury talk and I joined.

I saw the ad in the local evening newspaper about this active meditation from osho center. I called up to find the details. He said that the workshop was for 6 days and for an hour everyday. The fee was reasonable and there was going to be an introductory talk on Sunday morning. I decided to go for the introductory talk and then decide.

When I went there, there were two other people there, a boy and another lady. I was the third and the last one to arrive.

He explained to us what we will be doing during the mediation. The instructions would be given at the beginning of each session and the meditations would be done with music.

There would be one morning session and all other sessions would be in the evening between 6.30 to 7.30 pm. It is a suitable time for me. The session would get over by 7.40pm(including the instructions) he said.

I needed to reschedule my evening classes at home and that was not a problem. So I said I would join. The boy said he can not join because he was working and studying and the time did not suit him. The foreigner lady too went off when he said that the fee for foreigner was more.

So I was the only one left and so I said that though I was interested in joining, I didn’t want to do it alone. He said there were another two foreigners who were already doing a yoga and pranayama course and would be doing these meditations too with us. That was fine for me and I filled the form and paid.

Meditation and Me

I have been feeling that I need to do meditation but did not know how. I have tried a few times and end up not doing anything. That is, I just sit there thinking about something. And I don’t think that is meditation.

Meditation does not happen easily for me. I have to work at it and I think that just is not the right thing to do if you have to work at it. I have tried to read a few books and articles about meditation but no use.

I have already done the art of living basic course and it does help me. I have been doing sudarshan kriya for the last few years. Though not so regularly recently.

I want to learn to do meditation and was wondering how to do it.

I also need some regular physical activity. The exercises I do are not enough. I used to go for walks regularly. But many times it becomes impossible to do that.
In the morning I have my kitchen work to send daughter to school and then I have to go to college. In the evening, I have my classes at home and by the time I finish, it is seven and already dark outside. So I can’t go.

I thought I would walk in the mornings more, during summer holidays as there is no school but that has not happened.

In addition to that when it is possible to go I feel lazy to do that. So with all this I don’t get enough physical activity. Add to that that I spend most of the time sitting.

Sitting in front of the computer has become more and more common time pass. I sit down when I am teaching at home. Only in college, I teach standing as I like to look at all the students when I am explaining things.

I have been looking to join a group somewhere where I can do some physical activity, I have not been able to do thing alone. But I have not been able to find any group here near my home.

So when I saw the ad for the active meditations workshop in the local paper, I was happy. Frankly speaking, I don't know what is really active meditation. But I do want to learn meditation. So I thought I would take a look.

Even before calling the number given, I decided I would join and see.

After Two years and a new parttime job.

It is more than two years since I wrote in this blog. Two more batches have passed since then. In the meantime I also started a part time job of teaching french at a college. I teach french for a Tourism course.

For them a foreign language learning is compulsory for the first year, that is the first two semester.

We have just completed the 2nd year for the 2nd batch.

Next year, they are supposed to shift place. The new place is supposed to be far. I wonder what I would do?

End of the year for my Students .

It has been more than a year since I wrote in this blog. Why? I don't really know. I have been writing in the journal often. But didn't bother to update here.

At the moment I am waiting for the students to arrive. They have exam tomorrow. I have told them that I would be available if they need me. We have completed the portions, revised them, solved the past question papers. So I think they are well prepared for the exams. and they are hard working students. At least most of them are.

These boys have been with me for the last two years. They came in the 1st PUC. They will now finish their 2nd PUC and go further with their engineering or other degree exams. They have been good students. I wonder if they will miss me the way I will miss them. But then life goes on anyway. They will be busy with their cet and other competitive exams. I will get busy with my next set of students. This is the way it has been for the last 15 years. I don't know why I am feeling this way now.

Farewell to Aunt

My aunt, my mother's eldest sister passed away yesterday morning. She had been bedridden for about 2 years since she had a stroke. A few times she had been admitted to hospital and was expected to die, but didn't. The doctors had given up on her but her will to live was strong.

Last month her grandson, my nephew got married. Though she was not able to attend, she was happy. But the condition she was in, everybody worried that her dying at that time would have been a problem. Her son couldn't have performed the wedding. Anyway, now the wedding is over and her dying need not hinder anything or anybody.

Though she was above 80 years old, her interest in life was always there. Her's was a life story I would have liked to write. I may still write it. She said to me once,'I want to write my life story.'

She was married off at the age of 16, to a man whom she had not seen. Her father, my maternal grandfather, was a orthodox priest. Ganga was his eldest daughter. When someone suggested a brahmin groom, he immedietly agreed and fixed the marriage date a week later. Then he came home and told everybody what he had done. Grandmother and Ganga protested but to no avail. It was done.

She had 8 children. 5 girls and then 3 boys.

My daughter's birthday.

Last friday my daughter's birthday. She completed 9 years. She had been preparing for this day for a long time. She bought the dress that she wanted to wear and the accessories a couple of months back. She searched and got a particular shade of silver gray nail polish. She is getting fussier about her clothes as she is getting older. She planned the menu for her lunch to school (which she wanted to share with her close friends), the type of candy that she is going to take to school to distribute to her classmates and teachers. On the eve of her birthday, she was dancing around singing 'Tomorrow is my birthday! Tomorrow is my birthday. Aren't you excited too?' I hugged her and kissed her and said yes. And I laughed with happiness and sadness too.

I am happy and grateful for the experience of motherhood. I am happy and proud for the caring person she is turning out to be. I am sad that she is growing up so fast. She already knows what she wants and what she doesn't. She knows her mind. And she thinks she knows best. I am sometimes amazed by her confidence. Though I get irritated sometimes, I also think it is a good thing that she knows what she wants and then she sticks to it. Sometimes she realizes only later that she was wrong. It is only part of growing up. The way it happened with her new shoes.

Like all the children, she is in a hurry to grow up, at least to look grownup. She had been pestering me to buy her high heeled shoes that many of her friends wear. I had refused many times. I myself do not use high heels. Last weekend, when she visited Bangalore with her father, he gave in and bought what she wanted. She practiced walking in them in the house for a couple of days.

Yesterday, she wore her new shoes to school along with her new dress. She doesn't need to wear a uniform to school on her birthday. She is tall for her age and she looked lovely in her black skirt with a pretty white top with matching bracelet, dangling earrings and a cute necklace, her silver-gray nail polish and of course her black, shiny high heeled shoes.

I cautioned her to be careful while getting on and off the school bus, moving around in school. She had a wonderful day at school where her dress was admired by her friends. She got down from the school bus and while walking a few steps towards the house, she tripped and fell. She had a very bad bruise on her knee. Then she hurt herself in the same place which was healing after a fall she had about 10 days back while playing.

I held her tight, when she was howling with pain. I was wishing that I could take the pain away, though I knew that it is not possible. I had to accept that it is impossible for us to control the events in anybody's life. Not our own , nor our children's. At this moment, I can only enjoy my daughter's growing up, the joys of nurturing and experience the pain of letting go and not worry about what will happen in future.

I know, I too am growing up with my daughter. I am growing mature, at last.

As an Indian

Sometime back, I visited a local supermarket with my friends. We went to the counter to pay, a white skinned foreigner came and waited to pay after us. As soon as the cashier saw the foreigner, she took money from him and we had to wait till his transaction was completed. When I protested, she said, 'He was waiting so... '. He was waiting and what were we doing? He had not asked that he should be given special treatment and be allowed to pay before others. It was the cashier who did that.

I made a lot of noise before leaving. If we are treated like second class citizens in our own country by our own people, what are we supposed to do? I am all for being hospitable to the foreigners. But why treat them as if they were superieur or more important than the Indians, that too in India? Do they treat foreigners that way in their country? Isn't everyone supposed to follow the same rules there? Why don't we follow our own rules here?

My nano update.

I am at 6500 words with my nano novel. But that is ok with me. This is my first attempt to write a novel. That too I tried to write because of nano. My attempt showed me that I am still not ready to write a novel. I am lacking in the dicipline needed for that. When I started writing, long back, I had no idea of writing anything in particular. I wrote a few poems, essays, short stories as and when I felt like it. Novel, I never thought of trying to write one. Now, after trying it once, though I did not reach the goal, makes me want to try again. So I will definitely write a novel sometime in near future. It seems, deadlines don't work with me to make me write.

My Nano

I am doing Nano this year. http://www.nanowrimo.org . That is writing a 50000 word novel in the month of November. Last year , I didn't participate because my parents were visiting.

My nano novel is progressing at a snail's pace. I am at about 3500 words and I am way behind. I spent/wasted a lot of time reading the forums. This being my first year at nano attempt, I wanted to explore everything. But I am not giving up yet. There is still time till the month end. And I plan to continue after that too.

For my novel, I made the narrater of the story, a writer. So when I am not taking the story forward, I can ramble on about playing at being a writer.

My birthday

On September 9th, I completed 51 years. At 6.15, as I finished my Pranayama and Sudarshan Kriya (http://www.artofliving.org/ ), the phone rang. I knew it was my parents. My father always wants to be the first to wish me and mother has to restrain him from calling in the early hours. As they wished me, their loving voice was like velvet to my ears. I too wished 'Happy birthday' to my mother for giving birth to me on this day 51 years back. My sisters called to wish me and my daughter made a beautiful greeting card for me. She is good at drawing.

As I lay down in bed that night looking at the starless, cloudless, clear sky through my bedroom window, it struck me that this birthday had been different in one aspect. My day had been as peaceful as the sky looked at that moment.

I do not celebrate my b'days. Usually my birthdays are a reminder for me that so many years have passed and I have done nothing much with my life. I feel a bit sad or depressed too though I do not show it to others. But this year, I was very much at peace with myself. That doesn't mean that I had done things in this last one year to make me feel satisfied with myself. It is just that I stopped feeling guilty about it. About doing something or not doing something. I accepted what I had done and not done too. I had spent my day being in the present and was happy.

Old people

The other day while browsing on another blogging site, I came across a few 'hate old people' blogrings/groups. What do they mean by that. Do they think that they are going to remain young forever? Are they really so dumb to think that they are not going to grow old? Or are they planning to commit suicide so that they do not become old?

I also felt pity for them that they must have met the kind of old people who made them feel the hatred instead of love and respect. The old people in my life, as I grew up, enriched my life. I am also grateful for the old people in

That reminds me of a friend, Pushpa, from high school. She wanted to get married to a military man. She also planned to commit suicide at the age of 45 to avoid growing old. We were 14 at that time . Pushpa would come to my house on the way to school. We used to walk to school together or take a bus. My house was near the main bus stand. So we used to take a bus whenever we didn't feel like walking in the sun. The school started at 10.45 a.m and it used to be hot at that time.

There is a defence acadamy in Pune, where I grew up. We used to see a lot of defence acadamy cadets at the bus stand. My friend was crazy about them. She used to admire them a lot. Those cadets were quite tall. Some of them were dark and handsome too. She used to say that when she married, she would marry a military man. At that time I had not thought of marriage much and I didn' t have any objection to marrying a military man.

I lost touch with Pushpa after we finished high school. But I know she did not get to fulfill her wish regarding her marriage. When I was in the Final year doing my degree, I met her at the bus stop. She was with her 2-3 year old son. She said she had married a shop keeper and was living in a small town. As she told me that, I remembered her wish to marry a military person. Perhaps she remembered that too, for, she looked kind of guilty and was suddenly in a hurry to get away.

There was also another idea she had and that was to commit suicide at the age of 45. Being teenagers, we thought 45 was very old. We did not want to be old, a burden, we did not want to suffer like old people did. Somehow suicide at 45 seemed practical solution at that time though I am sure I didn't expect/want my parents to do that . I remember the idea of 'suicide at 45' came from her. I wondered later why she thought of that.

At that time I was the eldest of the two sisters and she was the youngest of the three sisters.

She used to tell my sister that she knew how miserable it was to be the youngest as everybody bossed around the youngest. Though she said it in a joking sort of way, may be she meant it.

'You won't understand, being the eldest.' She would tell me.

Pushpa's mother was in her 50s then and her father was in his late 60s. Her mother was a pleasant lady but her father, old man, looked defeated in life. He always walked with bent head and drooping shoulders. Pushpa's eldest sister was married. The middle one was 30 years old, waiting to get married and Pushpa was the youngest, still in high school. The father was unable to find a suitable boy for the middle sister and they worried about Pushpa too, who was of heavy build, and looked older for her age. It is always the parents responsibility to get the children educated as well as married. Later I came to know that Pushpa was married off when a suitable groom was found for her but the middle sister remained unmarried.

I didn't meet Pushpa again but I hope she didn't follow her idea of suicide at 45. I have no way to find out. I wonder if Pushpa thought of suicide at 45 because she wished she was not born so late to her parents. Did she feel bad about being born to older parents? Did she wish her parents had died earlier so that she wouldn't have been born?

THE SUNDAY RITUAL

I wrote this on my blog elsewhere for my nonindian friends.

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I am calling it a ritual but it is only a routine, nothing religious about it. It is a ancient routine to care for the hair and skin.

Every sunday, as I oil my daughter's hair and massage her scalp and body, I remember the routine that my mother did for us. It is common in India to massage the scalp and the body once a week. It is a light massage. Coconut oil, sesame oil, or castor oil is used depending on the season and the personal choice. In the southern part, where I live, we use coconut oil generally. Mother too always used coconut oil. Sesame oil is used in winter and castor oil is supposed to cool the head. Even grown ups sometimes get the treatment done by the family members. Diwali festival is the special occasion when this massage is done with scented oils and a hot water bath is taken with scented soaps. A new born baby and baby's mother are pampered with it everyday for the first three months minimum. It is so enjoyable and relaxing.

My mother and my two sisters have very long (hip length) thick hair. My hair too was thick but only waist length. I managed to spoil it during my teenage years when I neglected it. Later on it grew fast and thick again with proper care.

Mother would start with warming up some coconut oil in a small stainless steel cup. We were asked sit on a wooden plank. Mother would place four dots of the warmed up oil on the floor in a small square shape, then a fifth one would be placed in the middle of that square. Once I asked her what it was for and she said ' that is to remember that our body came from the five elements. I do not remember if I understood what she said at that time.

First, mother would put a couple of drops of that warm oil in my ear. The warm oil made me feel ticklish in the ear. She would then fold the ear and rub to let the oil get inside, then it was the other ear. She would take a couple of spoonfuls in her plam and put it on top of my head. pat pat pat. then a little more and again some more. she would rub it in with her fingers. My head would move with the moving of her hands, her fingers smooth and soothing on my scalp. my eyes would close automatically and sometimes I would hummmmmmmm with the movement. After some rubing, she would put some oil on her palms and rub on my body. It felt so good. My younger sister, M, would be waiting for her turn. We would jelously check how much time mother spent on massaging the each other's head. We would always want her never to stop.

After the whole body was oiled, the final touch that we hated. She would rub some oil on my face. When I protested , she said, ' If you oil your body and hair and not your face, you will become a monkey in the next birth'.

Looking at myself in the mirror I remember saying, 'I look like a monkey now only, with all this oiled body and face.'

After she had rubbed the scalp some more, she would give a gentle pat or a push to indicate that she was done with me. Now it would be my sister's turn.

We would wait to let the oil soak in the skin for an hour or so. Then we would be given bath with hot water. Mother used the soapnut powder ground specially with some herbs to nouish the hair. It irritated the eyes but we didn't have a choice. Soap was not considered good for hair. I did not use the readymade shampoo till I was almost 30 years old. Many women, even now, consider soap/shampoo a no no for hair.

Last year, mother was here with me for Diwali festival. As I finished the massage for my daughter, mother asked me, ' Shall I do it for you? '. I knew that the exercise would be too rigorous for her 70 plus year old hands. So I declined though I wanted to say yes.

My daughter has thick hair. I keep cutting it short for the sake of convenience though she wants long hair like me. She too enjoys the sunday oiling as we used to enjoy it as children. Sometimes she insists on doing the same for me and I do love it. I hope she will remember it when she grows up to do the same for her daughter.