Tuesday, October 04, 2005

My birthday

On September 9th, I completed 51 years. At 6.15, as I finished my Pranayama and Sudarshan Kriya (http://www.artofliving.org/ ), the phone rang. I knew it was my parents. My father always wants to be the first to wish me and mother has to restrain him from calling in the early hours. As they wished me, their loving voice was like velvet to my ears. I too wished 'Happy birthday' to my mother for giving birth to me on this day 51 years back. My sisters called to wish me and my daughter made a beautiful greeting card for me. She is good at drawing.

As I lay down in bed that night looking at the starless, cloudless, clear sky through my bedroom window, it struck me that this birthday had been different in one aspect. My day had been as peaceful as the sky looked at that moment.

I do not celebrate my b'days. Usually my birthdays are a reminder for me that so many years have passed and I have done nothing much with my life. I feel a bit sad or depressed too though I do not show it to others. But this year, I was very much at peace with myself. That doesn't mean that I had done things in this last one year to make me feel satisfied with myself. It is just that I stopped feeling guilty about it. About doing something or not doing something. I accepted what I had done and not done too. I had spent my day being in the present and was happy.

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Hasmita said...

Hi! I can understand how you feel on your birthdays. I kind of feel like that, too--mine is coming up soon, this friday. Birthdays make us think of those big questions--why are we here? what are we doing? what's the point? :)
The wonderful thing is your acceptance of it. Not resignation, but acceptance--that's the nice thing.