My nano update.

I am at 6500 words with my nano novel. But that is ok with me. This is my first attempt to write a novel. That too I tried to write because of nano. My attempt showed me that I am still not ready to write a novel. I am lacking in the dicipline needed for that. When I started writing, long back, I had no idea of writing anything in particular. I wrote a few poems, essays, short stories as and when I felt like it. Novel, I never thought of trying to write one. Now, after trying it once, though I did not reach the goal, makes me want to try again. So I will definitely write a novel sometime in near future. It seems, deadlines don't work with me to make me write.

My Nano

I am doing Nano this year. http://www.nanowrimo.org . That is writing a 50000 word novel in the month of November. Last year , I didn't participate because my parents were visiting.

My nano novel is progressing at a snail's pace. I am at about 3500 words and I am way behind. I spent/wasted a lot of time reading the forums. This being my first year at nano attempt, I wanted to explore everything. But I am not giving up yet. There is still time till the month end. And I plan to continue after that too.

For my novel, I made the narrater of the story, a writer. So when I am not taking the story forward, I can ramble on about playing at being a writer.

My birthday

On September 9th, I completed 51 years. At 6.15, as I finished my Pranayama and Sudarshan Kriya (http://www.artofliving.org/ ), the phone rang. I knew it was my parents. My father always wants to be the first to wish me and mother has to restrain him from calling in the early hours. As they wished me, their loving voice was like velvet to my ears. I too wished 'Happy birthday' to my mother for giving birth to me on this day 51 years back. My sisters called to wish me and my daughter made a beautiful greeting card for me. She is good at drawing.

As I lay down in bed that night looking at the starless, cloudless, clear sky through my bedroom window, it struck me that this birthday had been different in one aspect. My day had been as peaceful as the sky looked at that moment.

I do not celebrate my b'days. Usually my birthdays are a reminder for me that so many years have passed and I have done nothing much with my life. I feel a bit sad or depressed too though I do not show it to others. But this year, I was very much at peace with myself. That doesn't mean that I had done things in this last one year to make me feel satisfied with myself. It is just that I stopped feeling guilty about it. About doing something or not doing something. I accepted what I had done and not done too. I had spent my day being in the present and was happy.

Old people

The other day while browsing on another blogging site, I came across a few 'hate old people' blogrings/groups. What do they mean by that. Do they think that they are going to remain young forever? Are they really so dumb to think that they are not going to grow old? Or are they planning to commit suicide so that they do not become old?

I also felt pity for them that they must have met the kind of old people who made them feel the hatred instead of love and respect. The old people in my life, as I grew up, enriched my life. I am also grateful for the old people in

That reminds me of a friend, Pushpa, from high school. She wanted to get married to a military man. She also planned to commit suicide at the age of 45 to avoid growing old. We were 14 at that time . Pushpa would come to my house on the way to school. We used to walk to school together or take a bus. My house was near the main bus stand. So we used to take a bus whenever we didn't feel like walking in the sun. The school started at 10.45 a.m and it used to be hot at that time.

There is a defence acadamy in Pune, where I grew up. We used to see a lot of defence acadamy cadets at the bus stand. My friend was crazy about them. She used to admire them a lot. Those cadets were quite tall. Some of them were dark and handsome too. She used to say that when she married, she would marry a military man. At that time I had not thought of marriage much and I didn' t have any objection to marrying a military man.

I lost touch with Pushpa after we finished high school. But I know she did not get to fulfill her wish regarding her marriage. When I was in the Final year doing my degree, I met her at the bus stop. She was with her 2-3 year old son. She said she had married a shop keeper and was living in a small town. As she told me that, I remembered her wish to marry a military person. Perhaps she remembered that too, for, she looked kind of guilty and was suddenly in a hurry to get away.

There was also another idea she had and that was to commit suicide at the age of 45. Being teenagers, we thought 45 was very old. We did not want to be old, a burden, we did not want to suffer like old people did. Somehow suicide at 45 seemed practical solution at that time though I am sure I didn't expect/want my parents to do that . I remember the idea of 'suicide at 45' came from her. I wondered later why she thought of that.

At that time I was the eldest of the two sisters and she was the youngest of the three sisters.

She used to tell my sister that she knew how miserable it was to be the youngest as everybody bossed around the youngest. Though she said it in a joking sort of way, may be she meant it.

'You won't understand, being the eldest.' She would tell me.

Pushpa's mother was in her 50s then and her father was in his late 60s. Her mother was a pleasant lady but her father, old man, looked defeated in life. He always walked with bent head and drooping shoulders. Pushpa's eldest sister was married. The middle one was 30 years old, waiting to get married and Pushpa was the youngest, still in high school. The father was unable to find a suitable boy for the middle sister and they worried about Pushpa too, who was of heavy build, and looked older for her age. It is always the parents responsibility to get the children educated as well as married. Later I came to know that Pushpa was married off when a suitable groom was found for her but the middle sister remained unmarried.

I didn't meet Pushpa again but I hope she didn't follow her idea of suicide at 45. I have no way to find out. I wonder if Pushpa thought of suicide at 45 because she wished she was not born so late to her parents. Did she feel bad about being born to older parents? Did she wish her parents had died earlier so that she wouldn't have been born?

THE SUNDAY RITUAL

I wrote this on my blog elsewhere for my nonindian friends.

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I am calling it a ritual but it is only a routine, nothing religious about it. It is a ancient routine to care for the hair and skin.

Every sunday, as I oil my daughter's hair and massage her scalp and body, I remember the routine that my mother did for us. It is common in India to massage the scalp and the body once a week. It is a light massage. Coconut oil, sesame oil, or castor oil is used depending on the season and the personal choice. In the southern part, where I live, we use coconut oil generally. Mother too always used coconut oil. Sesame oil is used in winter and castor oil is supposed to cool the head. Even grown ups sometimes get the treatment done by the family members. Diwali festival is the special occasion when this massage is done with scented oils and a hot water bath is taken with scented soaps. A new born baby and baby's mother are pampered with it everyday for the first three months minimum. It is so enjoyable and relaxing.

My mother and my two sisters have very long (hip length) thick hair. My hair too was thick but only waist length. I managed to spoil it during my teenage years when I neglected it. Later on it grew fast and thick again with proper care.

Mother would start with warming up some coconut oil in a small stainless steel cup. We were asked sit on a wooden plank. Mother would place four dots of the warmed up oil on the floor in a small square shape, then a fifth one would be placed in the middle of that square. Once I asked her what it was for and she said ' that is to remember that our body came from the five elements. I do not remember if I understood what she said at that time.

First, mother would put a couple of drops of that warm oil in my ear. The warm oil made me feel ticklish in the ear. She would then fold the ear and rub to let the oil get inside, then it was the other ear. She would take a couple of spoonfuls in her plam and put it on top of my head. pat pat pat. then a little more and again some more. she would rub it in with her fingers. My head would move with the moving of her hands, her fingers smooth and soothing on my scalp. my eyes would close automatically and sometimes I would hummmmmmmm with the movement. After some rubing, she would put some oil on her palms and rub on my body. It felt so good. My younger sister, M, would be waiting for her turn. We would jelously check how much time mother spent on massaging the each other's head. We would always want her never to stop.

After the whole body was oiled, the final touch that we hated. She would rub some oil on my face. When I protested , she said, ' If you oil your body and hair and not your face, you will become a monkey in the next birth'.

Looking at myself in the mirror I remember saying, 'I look like a monkey now only, with all this oiled body and face.'

After she had rubbed the scalp some more, she would give a gentle pat or a push to indicate that she was done with me. Now it would be my sister's turn.

We would wait to let the oil soak in the skin for an hour or so. Then we would be given bath with hot water. Mother used the soapnut powder ground specially with some herbs to nouish the hair. It irritated the eyes but we didn't have a choice. Soap was not considered good for hair. I did not use the readymade shampoo till I was almost 30 years old. Many women, even now, consider soap/shampoo a no no for hair.

Last year, mother was here with me for Diwali festival. As I finished the massage for my daughter, mother asked me, ' Shall I do it for you? '. I knew that the exercise would be too rigorous for her 70 plus year old hands. So I declined though I wanted to say yes.

My daughter has thick hair. I keep cutting it short for the sake of convenience though she wants long hair like me. She too enjoys the sunday oiling as we used to enjoy it as children. Sometimes she insists on doing the same for me and I do love it. I hope she will remember it when she grows up to do the same for her daughter.

THE TEACHER

A few months back I was returning to my place after attending my cousin's wedding in Dharwad. There was an elderly man in the opposite seat in front of me in the train. My uncle had come to see me off at the station. We( me and my uncle) were talking to each other so I didn't notice this man much. He too had a group of 4/5 people to see him off with whom he was talking.

After the train left the station, he received 4/5 phone calls on his mobile. To every caller he said he was leaving and had no idea when he would be coming back. After about half an hour the train stopped at Hubli, the next station. There was quite a group waiting to meet my fellow traveller. All young boys and girls between 15-20. Each one bowed in front of the gentleman and he touched/patted their heads. Then they all barged inside the train, touched his feet with reverence and took his blessings. Again he touched everybody on the head, indicating he was blessing/ accepting their respect. They kept asking when he would come back to see them, why not come next month etc. They all looked at him with devotion, and he looked at them with tender love, like a mother, advicing them.

'You study harder', he said to one.

'You need to be more confident, other than that, you do not have any problem'. He told another.

'Take care of your health', he advised a third person. He advised them looking at them in the eye, one after another. His voice was full of tenderness for those students . For that's what they were. His students.

As the train whistled indicating departure, they all looked at him as if they wanted to capture his face forever in their minds. A couple of girls were crying.

'Why? Why are you crying? ' he asked in shaky voice. Even the boys were kind of serious faced, as if they too wished to cry but couldn't/wouldn't. As I looked at them, the loving, caring teacher who was going away and his students who were feeling sad because the teacher was going away, I could feel the attachment between the teacher and the students. Just looking at them, I too felt my eyes tear up. I had never seen any of them before. But I could feel the bond between them. I experienced a kind of jealousy of them both. I wished I had some teacher who was like that.

When I was studying in school and college, I did have good teachers. They all taught me what ever they knew of the subject. They gave me knowledge. But I do not think they connected with me as a person. They did not inspire me. I do not remember any of my teachers with the kind of reverence I saw on the faces of those students. And I envied them for having that kind of person as a teacher. I felt they were so lucky.

As a freelance teacher, I wondered if I connected with any of my students in that way. Whether I would be able to connect with my futur students like that? I sincerely hope so!

After the train started , I let a few minutes pass before I spoke to him. I felt he needed some time by himself. I too needed that time to trust myself to speak without letting my voice become shaky.

He confirmed that he was a lecturer in an engineering college and they were his students. He had retired and was going back to his native place.

'You are very popular with them. They seem so attached to you. ' I said.

'They are my children. I do not have any other family.' He said.

My daily exercise routine

As I get up around 5.30 in the morning, I first drink warm water with honey and lime which is prepared by my husband. If it has not been prepared, I drink only warm water. He goes for a walk at 5.30. After that I do some body loosening exercises. After that some yoga and pranayama. Then I do the sudarshan kriya. http://www.Artofliving.org

12 years back I and my husband used to go yoga class which was very near my house. We went for about a year during which time I learnt about 40 asanas (poses). Later I stopped going to class but continued to do the asanas at home. On Sundays, we used to go to Chamundi hill. There are a 1000 steps which we used to climb. We used to come down running. There were a lot of people climbing the hill, people of all ages.

After Sasha's arrival, my hill climbing stopped but I still did the yogasanas, though not as regular as earlier. Since about 4-5 years I am going for a walk in the evening. I have got so used to these walks that I try not to miss them. I do not take any students after 6 o'clock as I do not want to miss my walk. 6 to 7 is my walking time , a time that I reserve for myself. Walking the double road, I think of a lot of things. mainly about my writing. While writing , think better. I think about a story, about and essay and I find that there is a good flow of thoughts.

In the mornings, my routines is same. Sudarshan kriya has become a habit for me. I also enjoyed the basic course that I attended three years back. Daily practice is supposed to remove the emotional stress. it is also supposed to improve the oxygen intake. It is said that we do not use our lung capacity to the full extent. Sudarshan Kriya improves that. The pranayama also helps in that. Daily sudarshan kriya practice has made me more peaceful. It has also made me more self aware. I am more important for myself now. Previously I didn't take myself seriously. I was not much bothered how my life decisions were taken by others. I know I have lost a lot of time because of that. But not any more. It is still not too late to live my life the way I want to live it.

Rain

Last week there was a meeting for the music class students. I didn't attend as we went to visit the factory. On our way back, we went to a restaurant. There was a heavy rain and we were stuck in the Green Leaf restaurant. The car was stuck under a branch of a tree. We came home by autorickshaw. on our way back we saw many fallen trees and the roads flooded. Many people were stranded.

The house at the factory is ok. I didn't like some of the things but the kitchen is ok. Other than that I felt some fittings were unnecessary. but any way I am not the one spending for them nor am I going to stay there and use them.

At the restaurant, Sasha ordered roti and Alu-palak Which I decided to share along with more roties. S. had chana bhatura, which is his favourite. Uncle had bhel which was not so tasty so he tried to dump it on Sasha. She was very hungry so she ate some. Then the rain started and she was scared. somehow I was enjoying it. it was a great rain I had never seen anything like that. a tree fell in the compound of the restaurent. even then we didnt realise how strong the wind was. after the rain stopped, that was after about 45 minutes, we realised how bad it was. the car was stuck. another car was crushed under a branch. there were people looking to cut the branches to take home as firewood. we were sure that within a few minutes the branches will be cleared. the roads were full on water. by the time they were looking to see if they could take the car out, me and Sasha, we had ice cream at a nearby bakery. I had kulfi which was not so good and she had a mango candy. Kulfi was disappointing compared to the one I had eaten in Pune.

Preparation for travel.

I need to start to prepare for travelling. I have made the list and have got a few things done. But I have to start the packing. I haven't even taken the suitcases out. My dresses that I have given for stitching are yet to arrive. I got two of them stitched earlier but they need some alteration. So I had to give them back for that. I am supposed to get them tomorrow.

Today we went to get the books that Sasha got as a prize in school. The school gives a coupon for a book shop. We got her 2 books. I added some amount for her attending school without missing a single day. I am proud of her because she decided to do it on her own. I don't think I attended school with 100% attendence in any year. This year she got two prizes.one for handwriting and another one for Gita chanting. She bought a story book and a writing practice book for hindi. After that we went to get my shoes exchanged(which I had bought yesterday) . I got a larger size.

Later Sasha wanted to eat out so we went to eat out. But I did not have anything. I had already eaten some snack at home before leaving and was not hungry at all . We also brought some chocolate icecream home. She also got a box of butter toffees for herself.

The holidays

The summer vacation has started and Sasha is enjoying it. Today she spent about 7 hours at the neighbour's house playing . They have some two boys as guests and there is also their daughter. So Sasha has company there. she only came home to take her lunch with her. She wanted to eat that in their house.

ABOUT REBIRTH

I mentioned rebirth in a comment to someone. That got me thinking about how we Indians think of rebirth as a part of life. I am not sure others accept rebirth as such. But for us, death is only an end of a chapter. Rebirth follows inevitably until your soul gets a release from all your karma. both good and bad.
We take rebirth for granted for every one and that reflects in our conversations, customs, traditions, festivals. We have a lot of stories in our epics and mythology based on rebirth. Our life continues from the last life to this one even though we do not remember it.
Whenever a particularly tiresome person annoys us, we say ' That person was my enemy in the last birth. That is why he/she is born as my son/daughter/boss/brother etc. to take revenge in this birth.'
A loving relation is appreciated with ' I hope I will be born as your son/daughter/ mother (as the case may be) again in the next birth too.'
In some of our festivals, women are supposed to pray that they get the same husband in the many births to come. Men do not seem to have that choice.
Our film makers exploit this idea of rebirth to the full. There are films where the hero and the heroine keep meeting in every birth after a lots of twists and turns in the story. There are stories where the murder/crime committed in the previous birth is brought to light in the next birth and the culprit brought to book.
Even in my life, I was feeling bad that I haven't done much in this life. There are so many thing that I want to do with my life. But I realise my time is getting short. I am getting older. But then I started to think about rebirth. Why be in a hurry and try to do many things without taking the time to savour them. It is better to go slow and enjoy them. There is no hurry to finish things somehow. I will do what ever I can without feeling overwhelmed about how much I want to do as I know I will get one more chance to do things if I really want to do them . That thought is such a comfort.

Back home.

I went for a walk and to pick up Sasha on my way back. I had planned to come back by autorickshaw. I just returned with Sasha. After a whole day of play and excitement, she is very tired and a little cranky too. She also was very hungry after all that jumping around. But when I went to pick her up she asked why I had come so early, as she wanted to stay there till ten in the night. She still doesn't seem to have any idea of time as they never get tired or bored with playing . Her friend didn't want to let us come home, she wanted to continue playing. Then She wanted to come and play at our place.

At this age they are so energetic. They don't want to stop playing at all. Her mother and I are friends so I sat there for sometime chatting with her and then She also came with us as she wanted me to show her a shop that we had been talking about. San also came with her mother . She is coming to our house for a play date on Tuesday. I am sure it is going to be a replay of today, that is they will not be satisfied however long they play. San's mother also wants me to take her to a homeopathic doctor. We are planning to go on tuesday.

After the exam

Sasha has finished her exam but is yet to return home. The last time her friend visited our home to play, they had planned for Sasha to go to the friend's house on the last day of the exam. So today she has gone there directly from school. Both ride the same bus. Now I have to go and pick her up.

From tomorrow I don't have to wake her up early. I can also get on with my exercises and yoga and pranayama as I will not be in a hurry to finish that and prepare breakfast and wake her up and get her ready for school. For the next two months, till May 30th actually, she has holiday. We are planning to go to visit my parents on April 1st. We will come back in the first week of May. Hubby will be here alone. Sasha is just waiting to go to meet her grandparents, aunts(my two sisters) and her four cousins.

I still cannot believe that she is already eight year old. It seems just yesterday that she came into our life as a three month old adopted baby girl. Our life has seemed more worthwhile since then. I have just forgotton how we lived without her. Sure my house was neater and I had more time for myself. Actually too much time for myself. Her arrrival changed everything. As somebody said to me after she came. now your house looks better with all the baby things scattered around. Previously it looked too neat.

Relief

Sasha's exam is getting over today. In fact, at this moment, she is writing at school. After the school she going to her friend's house. They are also planning to celebrate in the school bus on the way back. She has been looking forward to it for the last two weeks. They (the older students) have collected some money and she has also taken a big packet of spicy potato chips. They are planning to get some cakes and colas etc. I hope Sasha and all others enjoy it.

I feel the relief that now I don't have to make her sit in the evenings to study. She can go and play with her friends to her heart's content. I am also happy that I can get on with the work that I had planned to do as I don't have to sit with her to make her study. She does her everyday homework on her own but otherwise I have sit with her at the regular tests and exams time. I now have some extra time and I hope I will be able to use it well.

My daughter's exam

My daughter(2nd grade) has her final exams going on. Tomorrow she has maths. The last exam. She is good at maths. But still needs supervision. After the exam she will have a holiday for two and a half months, that is till May 30. I am planning to go to my mother's place. I do that every year. in summer I go and stay with my parents for a month. At other times, I am not able to go.

Here the examination system is mainly learning everything -almost by heart. Then go and write whatever you remember during those 3 hours. That decides your fate. We also learnt with this system and it still continues. People keep saying that it is not a good system but that's all.

First day

Today I start a new blog. I already have one elsewhere. I want to find out which is more convenient to me. I may use this for everyday happenings. Even though I write posts there regularly, most of them, I keep private.